Succumb Intoxication
by Jedi Squirrels
Summary: AU. Obi-Wan Kenobi has been Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan for a few years now. He loves his master dearly, but when will he feel the same about his padawan? When a startling incident takes place, what will become of Obi-Wan’s future as a Jedi? Huh!? Huh!? Angs
1. Listen

Summary: AU. Obi-Wan Kenobi has been Qui-Gon's padawan for a few years now. He loves his master dearly, but when will he feel the same about his padawan? When a startling incident takes place, what will become of Obi-Wan's future as a Jedi? Would his master be so mad at him that he will be forced to 'ship off' Obi-Wan as far as he could be from him? And what happens when someone terrible from Obi-Wan's past tempts him with a terrible fate that he knows he can't escape from?! Why am I asking so many questions like you'll know the answers to them!? Huh!? Huh!?

A/N: This takes place before any of the Star Wars movies. I would also say it's a sort of alternative universe. I'm trying not to use the ideas in other fanfics/stories—such as Xanatos. All in all, this story takes place with a completely different past. I hope you enjoy. ^^ — Andrea 

- - - 

"Succumb Intoxication"

by ; andrea

x . c h a p t e r o n e

; listen

- - -

Young Obi-Wan Kenobi sat at his desk in his own room. He stared blankly down at his homework he was supposedly doing. He had trouble concentrating nowadays. Was it Qui-Gon Jinn that made him feel so melancholy or was it himself? This feeling stalked him always when he had been around Qui-Gon. He really wanted to blame it on someone else... anyone else _but_ his master. He loved his master with all his heart, but, apparently, was the utter adverse for Qui-Gon. What were a master and a padawan if they could only talk about training, school, and nothing else but their job together? He still didn't know one thing about the Jedi: were they allowed to love their padawan—not even as a son, but as an _apprentice_?

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, trying to reach into the bond that him and his master presumably shared. He could feel nothing radiating from Qui-Gon—no feeling whatsoever.

As he opened his eyes slowly, reluctantly, and he let out a quiet sigh. His master had never told him anything about _his_ life, while Obi-Wan had babbled on and on about everything, expecting his master to answer with something like "Oh, I know the feeling, young Obi-Wan. Let me tell you about it." But that had never happened—not even once.

Now Obi-Wan was beginning to think that it was his presence that caused his master to be so distant. He had known Qui-Gon had talked rather friendly and open towards Mace Windu. But Obi-Wan was his padawan! Talking about anything besides training would be a reward Obi-Wan would _die_ for.

But it never happened.

Obi-Wan's eyes traced down to his homework. He couldn't concentrate anymore. He couldn't concentrate when these thoughts of his master kept nagging at him, and on an empty stomach.

His master hadn't noticed Obi-Wan hadn't been eating. His appetite was lost every time he watched his master look away from him. That happened every single day at the table. If someone had not eaten the food in front of them, you'd notice. So that meant Qui-Gon had not cared...?

Obi-Wan stood up, opening his door quietly. He didn't want to bother Qui-Gon with his eating habits. Maybe he would just have something little to eat... and then go back and attempt to do his homework. He passed the living room. Qui-Gon had been seated, most likely meditating, in the middle of the room. Obi-Wan forced a smile, but it seemed to hint his glum.

He sat down at the table, alone. He didn't stand up to get food. He just sat there, as if he were waiting for someone to join him. But he knew no one would.

He had been with Qui-Gon for a while now. He was fifteen years old. He didn't know how old Qui-Gon was, or how young he was. Obi-Wan wondered if his master would ever talk to him about himself.

Obi-Wan lost track of the time. He hadn't noticed the sun had set long hours before. He just sat at the table, thinking, wanting, and hoping...

"Padawan," a voice muttered in the doorway of the kitchen. Snapping Obi-Wan out of his thoughts, he turned to see Qui-Gon leaning against the doorframe. Obi-Wan tried to smile warmly, but it came out crooked. "You have not finished your paperwork?" It was more of a statement then a question.

"I..." He paused, beginning to realize what the time was. "I'm sorry, Master. I got... distracted." He lowered his eyes, his half-smile fading. He felt his stomach lurching, but he ignored it. It wasn't like Qui-Gon cared about his malnutrition, so why should he?

"Obi-Wan, you must learn to focus more." With those words, he turned and left, most likely to his room—like always.

"I'm... sorry... Master..."

But he didn't hear, since he was gone. Obi-Wan stood up from the seat at the table and began walking down the hall to his room. His steps were slow. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the paperwork on his desk. But then his eyes began to wander towards Qui-Gon's room across the hall.

He was foolish to think he'd be important in his master's life...

Obi-Wan didn't bother to take off any of his clothing. He only plopped down on the bed and faced the wall. He closed his eyes and attempted to sleep.

- - -

Qui-Gon stood in the doorway of his padawan's room once more. He watched as he slept. He had noticed he hadn't got changed that night before. He didn't even bother to pull the covers over himself. He watched Obi-Wan's lips quiver slightly, then he had covered his face with his sleeves and arms. It was as if he were trying to keep the warmness present in the room... but there was none.

"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's voice came out stern, but he hadn't meant it to.

The boy opened his eyes quickly and sat up in bed. "Master! I-I'm sorry I slept in!"

Qui-Gon hadn't meant to startle the boy. And why did he have to apologize for everything he did? Qui-Gon let out a breath of air, which was a twist between frustration and sadness. He knew he was very cold to the boy, but he didn't want his feelings to interrupt with the training. 'After all,' he thought, 'at least this will make him stronger.' But will it, in the future, make this sweet boy as cold-hearted as he was acting? He didn't want that to happen... but...

"We are going to Coruscant today to run an ... errand for Mace."

"But I..." Obi-Wan had been invited to spend the day with his two friends down at a small café. He had not seen his friends for quite a while because of his training... He lowered his eyes and looked away from Qui-Gon, standing up. "Y-yes, Master."

"Get ready, we're leaving in a few minutes," Qui-Gon muttered as he made his way out of the room.

Obi-Wan looked up, smiling, hoping Qui-Gon would see. But he hadn't, for he had already left. 'Well,' he thought, 'at least the whole day won't go to a waste... I'll be with Qui-Gon, right?' He forced his smile on as he put on his hooded Jedi robe, slipping the hood over his head.

- - -

"What does Mace need here on this planet, Master?

"You will find out, Padawan."

As the two Jedi had shoved their way into the crowd, Obi-Wan couldn't help but look into the cafés and restaurants that had been piled on top of each other as buildings. He could have sworn, despite the stench of alien odor around him, he could smell the delicious food and drinks inside...

"Obi-Wan, don't dawdle," Qui-Gon had muttered as he pulled the boy by the sleeve and then let go as they kept walking. Apparently, Obi-Wan had stopped to look inside a nearby café.

"I'm sorry, Master." He tried to stick as close to his master as possible. But the crowds were closing in on him. Before he knew it, he and his master were down on the lower levels of Coruscant... a terrible place.

"I can sense... sense the dark side down here, Master," Obi-Wan had mumbled quietly as he began to walk a little closer to his Master. "Is that... true?"

Qui-Gon had not answered, but he had known there was evil down here. Instead of the walls dripping with clear rain, as the top levels had, they dripped with brownish green muck. The young apprentice didn't like this place one bit. He wanted to admit he was slightly frightened, but he bit his tongue to stay quiet. He did not know that Qui-Gon had taken a quicker pace than he had.

Suddenly, he felt something prick at the back of his neck. He whirled around to see... nothing? "Master, why do we need to be here?" he asked, but his question had only met the air. He turned back around to see his master gone.

His eyes widened. Qui-Gon could leave him so easily, couldn't he? He looked up to see nothing but... huge, putrid buildings towering over him. He saw small, spider-like creatures crawl on the walls of the buildings as if they were their spider-webs. When the creatures spotted the human Jedi below, they stopped moving completely, locking eyes with the boy. Just as a precaution, the boy lit up his light saber. He began walking, desperately trying to open the bond between him and his master.

Qui-Gon must have noticed his apprentice was gone by _now_, right? He didn't understand why he had to come to this planet, anyway. He wished he could be back home...

"Master, Qui-Gon, come back..."

What kind of creatures would live down here? He could hear the faint bass of a club nothing but a few blocks away. Should he stay where he was, in the middle of no where, or go to the club and hope Qui-Gon would find him there?

... Qui-Gon would never go there.

But would he ever come here?

Obi-Wan quickly sat down, feeling his knees begin to weaken. He leaned his back against the rail and looked downwards. He was still not at the very bottom of Coruscant. But it had felt terribly like it. The air was thick with decay and foul odor. He stared down the dimly lit black abyss. He began to feel dizzy. His stomach turned, lurched and growled. He turned around to look at his hands. He was so hungry. The boy's hands were terribly skinny. Had his master not noticed that either?

He felt his eyes getting heavy... No, he couldn't collapse now—not here, of all places! His head began to swim, his hands getting weak. Where was Qui-Gon? Why wasn't he... here?

"Master..."

He bent his head down onto his knees, covering his head with his hands and baggy sleeves.

- - -

Qui-Gon had been searching around desperately for his apprentice. He had not known he could lose the boy so easily. He didn't deserve to have an apprentice! If this is what it had come to, losing your padawan on the lower levels of Coruscant only to be eaten alive by vicious blood-sucking, leeching aliens, then he definitely did not deserve to be able to train another young Jedi.

He had been twisting around in every corridor he had been at, but he refused to open the bond between them to pinpoint the boy's location. He was not that desperate—but was Obi-Wan?

He suddenly reached the edge, realizing his search had been a terrible failure. But as he grabbed onto the rail, he noticed a small creature sprawled out near the edge of the walkway, its arm half-covering its face, its other arm sprawled out in front of it. Some leech-like creatures had been sucking on its wrist. Immediately, Qui-Gon knew that was a human. And it was Obi-Wan Kenobi.

He was at the boy's side in a moment, ready to scold him for being so foolish and not focusing to stay close so he would not have gotten lost. But as he lifted the boy's arm he noticed the boy's face was sickly pale. He also noticed the boy's wrists were very skinny, if not, bony... The leeches couldn't have done that. Qui-Gon took out his light saber and fried the leeches off of Obi-Wan's skin. He took the boy in his arms and clicked his saber back into his belt. He walked quickly, not wrapping the boy in his robe, even though that would be the most logical thing to do.

He had managed to run the 'errand' for Mace. He had to confiscate a disk (to what information was unknown to Qui-Gon) from a man named 'Nibb' who had owned a bounty hunter business on the twentieth floor of Coruscant, thirteenth block. He had managed to get the disk without much of a fight. He didn't have to take out his saber at all, revealing himself as a Jedi. That would not be a smart thing to do on the lower levels of Coruscant. The aliens—or mutated humans—hadn't a liking to the Jedi.

- - -

"Thanks, Qui-Gon. You've done me a great favor. But I must ask—the boy... he does not look all right." Mace Windu had sat on the edge of Obi-Wan's bed. The boy had been unconscious for quite a while.

"I know that. I just... didn't think the leeches could do that to him."

"This isn't the work of leeches. Has the boy been eating all right?"

Qui-Gon paused for a moment before answering hesitantly. "Yes, he has." But he was unsure himself.

"I'm taking your word for it," Mace said suspiciously. "But if the poison from the leeches doesn't wear off, you better fix him up."

"I never asked for an apprentice," Qui-Gon stated, changing the subject.

Mace sighed. "I better get going."

- - -

Obi-Wan sat up from his bed, staring at his wrists. He felt his stomach lurch again. But he was surprised to at least be in his own bed and not on the floor of 'the lower levels.' He stood up shakily and wobbled towards the living room. Their 'home,' or 'quarters,' was small and part of the Temple. But at least he had his own bed. 

"Obi-Wan."

The boy turned around to see his Master standing behind him.

"Master," he began, getting a little self-conscious. If it weren't for the stern look on Qui-Gon's face, the boy would have wrapped his arms around him and thanked him for coming back and taking him away from that terrible place. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall behind... I... It was dark down there and I..." He couldn't say it.

"Just get something to eat. We'll talk about this later, Padawan."

Obi-Wan forced a smile on his face and lowered his eyes.

He took a piece of bread off the counter and finished it quickly and thankfully. He felt as if he needed to talk to Qui-Gon. Maybe _he_ would actually _talk_ to him...! Maybe Qui-Gon would actually...

- - -

"Why have you not been eating, Padawan?"

The question caught him off guard. Obi-Wan took his eyes off his Master and looked at the floor. He was standing in front of his Master, whom was sitting on the couch, scowling slightly.

"I wasn't hungry..." He lied.

He heard Qui-Gon sigh. "Listen, Obi-Wan. I'm here to teach you. I'm not here to baby sit you. I'm not your mother."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened as he looked at his Master, who was staring at him straight in the eye. "But I—"

"I didn't want to take on another apprentice. I _can't_ do this anymore. If you can't even take care of your own _eating habits_... Well, I just don't know what else to do." Qui-Gon was pleading to the boy, but his eyes held nothing but frustration.

Obi-Wan swallowed, and it hurt.

"But, Master, I'm sorry... I didn't... mean to... I didn't mean to burden you. I was just... I... I don't know." His bottom jaw quivered as he spoke. He hoped his master hadn't noticed that.

"Just—go to bed. I have to think."

Obi-Wan looked up at his master and smiled, hoping the tears welling up in his eyes weren't obvious. "Yes, Master. I—I'm sorry." Cocking his head to the side, he nodded, closing his eyes, still trying to keep that synthetic smile on his face. He quickly turned away, biting his lower lip. He stumbled into his room and shut the door behind him quietly. Leaning against it, he bit back his tears.

What would Qui-Gon think if he saw him like this? His tears began to stream down his face. He never meant to be a burden to his master. He hadn't told him anything bad about his life, about himself, just so he wouldn't have to oppress worry to his master. He was truly, very sorry for what he had done. Wasn't that enough? He guessed not.

He let his back slide down the door, and he brought his dirty knees to his face. His clothes were still stained from the leeches' poison and the filth of the lower levels.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

He sniffled quietly. He did not want his master to hear. He didn't want his master to know that he... made the young padawan feel... terrible.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, shutting them tightly. He didn't want to open them again...

"Padawan," a voice called from behind the door.

Holding his breath, the young apprentice wiped his face furiously and pressed his back against the door.

"We—need to talk."

Slightly frightened his voice would crack. Obi-Wan answered quietly, "I... have to do my homework." But his voice did crack, and Qui-Gon noticed it. He released his hand off the doorknob to his padawan's room and didn't say anything more.

Obi-Wan let his head slam against the door, letting out a shaky breath of air. He lifted his hands towards his face and gasped, choked...

He didn't know he had been poisoned.

"Master..." he called weakly. "Help...?"

Qui-Gon's steps had halted automatically, his gaze darting to his padawan's door. Something was wrong.

"Come back, Qui-Gon," he called, his hands plopping down on the ground. The poison was numbing his fingertips already, his eyes drifted back and forth. He tried to focus on his bed...

Qui-Gon tried to open the door, but the collapsed frame of his padawan was blocking it from being opened any farther. He closed his eyes, took a step back and put his hand in front of him. He let out a breath. The door swung open. He kneeled down beside his apprentice and pushed his braid out of his face.

"Padawan."

"Master," the boy blurted, his eyes shut tight. "I'm sorry... I can't help it. I can't feel..."

'I should have never brought him to the lower levels,' Qui-Gon thought, his eyes softening. He noticed the boy had dry trails of tears down his face. "Shh, foolish padawan." He hushed the boy calmly and picked him up. "Open your eyes." He surprised even himself with his words. But his padawan did not open his eyes. Obi-Wan choked a sob as he buried his face in his master's robe. He didn't know where Qui-Gon was taking him... But he knew, most likely, he would probably contact a medical droid.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed quietly. "I didn't want to be trouble. I just wanted you to be happy with me, master. I wanted you to be... be..."

He stopped talking; realizing his master wasn't listening at all.

- - -

The room was a shade of dark blue. Obi-Wan noticed that, and had never noticed it before. He was lying in his own bed, his arm dangled to the side with a few cords sticking out of his wrist. He stared down at the blue and white blankets that draped over him. They reminded him of the lakes on Naboo.

Naboo...

His mind started dawdling in every way possible. He had forgotten where he was, who he was, everything. He was just remembering old memories—especially memories of Qui-Gon.

He remembered when he first met his master. He seemed reluctant to take him to his quarters. He had cheerlessly showed the boy to his room. The next morning was strictly training. He had worked Obi-Wan so hard, he almost passed out at the end of the day. But that was what he had expected when he decided to become a Jedi. He knew there would be hardships...

But he never knew his master would be so distant. When he had dreamed about being a Jedi, he had thought of his master being a man whom he could take comfort in and not be afraid, shy and self-conscious around every moment.

The door made a swift airy sound that had snapped his attention to the doorway. Qui-Gon had entered the room. He watched his master stare at him. The boy smiled. His smile was not returned.

"Master, I do not wish to burden you. If you wish for me to leave... I shall, if that's what you would desire." He forced a smile on his face. His eyes shimmered slightly. He went on, his master listening, "I knew you did not want a padawan. I do not think it is... your fault." Obi-Wan looked away and out the window at Coruscant—but all he saw was gray.

The boy sounded so mature that it scared Qui-Gon. What has he done? Did he really want his apprentice to be so unfeeling and bewildered? Did he really want this to happen to such a gifted young boy? No, he did not... And he didn't know what else to do. He stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Obi-Wan heard the door shut. He knew his master left, but for some reason, he kept on talking as if Qui-Gon had been there. "I am not sure if you know this, but I did travel through two other Jedi's hearts—for I didn't belong there. My first master believed I couldn't do it—anything. The second had abandoned me—turning to the dark side... I didn't know where else to go. Yoda had told Mace... who told you..."

The boy paused and swallowed hard. Why would his master not listen? He must have been vexing his master terribly.

"Something's wrong with me, master. I do not know what. I was hoping that... maybe you'd tell me. But you haven't, master. I'm not sure if you ever will, either. Why won't you? There has to be something wrong with me. I am doing something wrong all the time... But no one tells me. No one, master! I could correct it, if you told me... and if it's me—if I'm the problem, I could correct that, too. I want to be a Jedi. I want to be the best Jedi ever. But it's not happening... and it doesn't seem like it'll happen for a while. If not a while, and I surely am certain, that it will not happen at all. What would happen to me then? Will I just be a waste of space? Oh, and, Master?"

He looked towards the door.

"I wish you were here to listen."

His throat hurt from talking.

- - -

A/N: Yes, I'm sorry. I know this is a bad ending to this chapter. And I _will_ talk about Qui-Gon in the next chapter. I know I'm being extremely mean—but, hey! I'm not one to write happy-go-lucky stories, all right? The next chapter will be slightly darker (hint hint)... Please review! It keeps my self-esteem going. :D


	2. Backhanded

A/N: I'm sort of disappointed in this chapter because, in my opinion, it's a mean cliffhanger. D Oh, well. I know, after reading this, you'll _have_ to read the rest! —Andrea 

- - - 

"Succumb Intoxication"

by ; andrea

x . c h a p t e r t w o

; backhanded

- - -

Obi-Wan Kenobi woke up the later that day, to feel nothing. Any trace of emotion was wiped from his presence. After thinking, after knowing, that what he had done, what he was doing, was not right, he decided that it was his emotions that were irking his master. If he had just known sooner, earlier, he could have changed it. And his master would be proud of him for at least a few moments.

After changing into a clean set of clothes, he made his way into the refresher unit to cleanse the wounds on his wrists and arms. He let the water soothe this bruised and flawed skin. Letting all the dry blood completely fade from his arms and wrists, he turned the faucet off and dried his skin.

He would apologize to his master for his childish behavior. He was fifteen. He was not supposed to act this way.

Making his way out of his room, he stepped out into the hallway, walking towards the kitchen. His mouth was very dry and if he were to talk his voice would come out hoarse.

Taking a glass of stim tea in his hand, he sipped quietly, waiting for his master to notice he was in the kitchen. The liquid soothed his throat just slightly, but it had felt good. He closed his eyes for a few moments, just sipping at his tea. The temperature felt cool against his arms with his sleeves pulled up. He shivered slightly, letting half of his mouth curve into a crooked smile.

Obi-Wan turned around, setting his glass on the table. His master stood behind him, waiting for him to say something.

As if on cue, Obi-Wan opened his mouth and looked at his master straight in the eye. "Master, tell me, now. What is it that you dislike in me?" He shouldn't be probing into his master like this. He should be apologizing.

Qui-Gon stared at the boy, folding his arms across his chest. He knew exactly how to answer this question, so he said it. "You succumb to your emotions far too much and far too quickly."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened and he stood up from the table. He jerked a thumb at his own chest. "Me? Give into my emotions? Master, I don't even know how to _deal_ with my emotions! You never taught me _anything_ about myself!" He was surprised at his tone of voice. He didn't mean to yell...

"I _what_? Are you saying I'm not a good master?"

Obi-Wan furrowed his eyebrows. He couldn't take it much longer. All the impassive looks; all these impassive words, they annoyed the boy so much—and right now, that wasn't how he was supposed to be feeling! Right now, he was supposed to be apologizing to his master for being such a fool! And here he was, being _such a fool_!

"Yes, I am!" he said, taking a step forward. "You're _not_ a good master! I don't care about whatever happened to you before I came—before you... before you were _forced_ to have me in your life because you—you don't care about me! I'm sick of trying to smile for you every moment... I'm sick of trying to make you feel better when really, you're _killing_ me!"

"I'm killing **you**?" Qui-Gon muttered fiercely. "Obi-Wan Kenobi, you've been killing me every since you I took you in as my padawan! I was forced to have you as a padawan! No one would take you!"

Obi-Wan swallowed hard, taking a step back, bumping into the table. That last remark had hurt.

"I know no one wanted me," he tried to yell, but it came out as a whisper. "You only took me because Mace said so. Mace pitied me! They all pitied me! If you didn't want me, why didn't you say so!? I could be long gone from here—probably someplace where pitiful Jedi—I'm not even a Jedi!—kids go! Qui-Gon Jinn," the boy said, not using a respectful tone at all. "If I've always disgusted you so much. Just throw me away! Just throw me away like everyone else!"

  
"I would if I could! Believe me, I would."

Obi-Wan choked on his breath. He clenched his teeth together, trying to hide the anger that was beginning to boil in his blood. He shook his head, narrowing his eyes at his master. He didn't mean it. He didn't mean it. He didn't mean it. He meant it!

"When I woke up today. I said I would apologize. When you answered me so coldly, I regretted even _thinking_ of apologizing to _you_. What's the point!? I'd gain no respect from you anyway." He paused, letting out a breath through his clenched teeth. "What did I expect from a _Jedi_, anyway?" he spat.

That was absolutely the last draw. Qui-Gon was in front of the boy in seconds.

Obi-Wan felt his master's hand against his face in a hard slap.

His head was jerked to the side, his eyes staring at the floor. He didn't move from his position, not a muscle moved. His eyes only trailed their way up to look at his master, who was still standing in front of him, his eyes raving, but full of confusion.

Obi-Wan was breathing hard. He tilted his head back, and straightened his back to look as confident as he could. He gulped, his eyes flinching. His voice was cracked. "I loved you too, Qui-Gon." Dry sarcasm.

Before he could say anything at all, his apprentice was out of the room and he heard the door slam down with an airy sound.

- - -

He didn't know where he was going, but he was definitely going away from the temple. He was obviously, obviously, obviously not wanted there. He was still weak from the poison that was gone from his veins and he felt as if he could fall asleep right where he was, in mid-stride.

But he wouldn't. He stopped running when he reached a small diner. It seemed welcoming enough. The rain was pelting down on his clothes and skin as he stared at the door. After a few moments of contemplating whether or not to go in, he decided it wouldn't do any harm so he opened the door. Realizing the place was slightly crowded and very loud, he felt suddenly better. He didn't want to bring attention to himself.

Sitting down at a booth alone, he buried his face in his hands and sobbed loudly. It was a sob that was a cross between a choke and a moan that lasted only a few moments. His cheek was sore from where Qui-Gon had slapped him. He was thankful that the place was so noisy that no one noticed his sobs.

Gulping down a gasp of air, he wiped his face with his sleeves and straightened his tunic. He was being pitiful. But that was because he _was_ pitiful.

Suddenly, he noticed an odd-looking droid scooted over to the edge of the table.

"Care to order, kid?"

"Corellian liquor. Blue."

"Would tha' be all?"

"Yes," he said quietly, trying to regain his steady composure. He found it slightly easier, for some reason, to hide his emotions back to where they belonged—in the back of his mind. "That'd be all."

"Thanks. Oh, and cheer up. I'm sure she didn't mean it," the droid said. It was an unusual droid that had a few human characteristics.

Obi-Wan couldn't help but crack an odd grin at the droid's remark as it scooted away.

Staring out the window for a few moments, he watched the hover cars buzz by and the various aliens and humans alike mingle with each other as they passed. He liked where he was. The inhabitants of this level of Coruscant were friendly. Obi-Wan, for the first time, appreciated how many people were on Coruscant.

"Here's your drink, kid. Don't try to get _too_ intoxicated."

Obi-Wan would drink himself senseless if he wanted too. Qui-Gon wouldn't care. Waving his hand lazily, signaling for the droid to get on its way, he stared down at the blue drink and sloshed it around in its cup for a moment before placing it to his lips. He gulped down the drink so fast that he couldn't even taste it.

Right at that moment, he felt his eyesight get hazy. He figured that was all he could take. The effects of the drink would be far worse than he would've imagined because of how fast it had hit him.

He placed a small amount of credits on the table from his pocket and stood up queasily. He stumbled towards the door and tried to open it when he felt a hand grip on his arm. He whirled around, now seeing nothing but blurred figures.

"Obi-Wan? Are you all right?"

He recognized the voice immediately. It was Midii Vesper tried to concentrate on her figure, trying to make sure it really was her, despite the blurred image he saw.

"I saw you walk in here... And you didn't show up at the café a few days ago," her voice suddenly morphed into something terrible... something deep and fiendish, "when you said you'd take the day off for Jiro and me and we'd go out to the café."

"Midii? No, Sith... get out of my way!" he was whispering horribly through his hoarse voice as he backed up into the door. It opened and he stumbled out of the crowded café.

He heard her voice call out after him, and this time, it sounded like her voice.

"Kenobi! Where do you think you're going?!" she hollered as she shoved past the people and aliens trying to catch onto Obi-Wan's sleeve as he backed away farther. "You're going to fall—"

Obi-Wan felt his sleeve get pulled and he was jerked away from the rail that he was leaning against.

"No!" he squeaked quickly as he felt himself collapse in her grasp. He blacked out—unconscious.

"Obi-Wan? Kenobi!? Kenobi, do you hear me?" She growled between her teeth. How could he drink that stuff? What would his master have to say about this? Shifting him in her grasp, she hung one of his arms over her shoulder and limped towards her speeder. She decided to take him back to the temple.

- - -

Obi-Wan awoke, opening his eyes, feeling a soft, but cold touch on his forehead. His eyes drifted halfway shut once again, knowing the two people sitting beside him.

"Kenobi, what have you gotten yourself into this time?" Midii sighed to herself, turning the wet piece of cloth over on his forehead.

"Has something been bothering you, Obi?" asked another cool voice. It was the voice of Jiro Kei. "We haven't seen you around lately and it's been pretty dull..." he said, pulling on Obi-Wan's braid gingerly. Jiro had been a close relative of the _Kei Pirates_, an infamous group of smugglers that were located near Nar Shadaa, but always on the move. Jiro was very strong in the force so the Jedi council wanted to take him in. The pirates did not resist. They seemed happy to remove the boy from their presence.

He was a troublemaker.

"Me? No, of course not," Obi-Wan said dryly as he turned to his friends.

Obi-Wan realized he wasn't in his quarters, but Jiro's. He thanked the Force for that. He couldn't face his master right now.

"Kenobi," Midii said quietly as she put her elbows on her knees and stared at the boy that lay on Jiro's sleep-couch. "I saw you walk into the diner. You... well, you didn't look to good." She put her chin in her hands.

"I know."

"Wanna talk about it?" Jiro asked, sitting down beside Midii.

"No," Obi-Wan simply answered, closing his eyes. Why did they have to yell? "And please, stop yelling."

Midii looked over at Jiro questionably and then back at Obi-Wan. "We're not yelling."

Obi-Wan's eyebrow flinched and then he rolled over, turning his back to his two friends. There was a long silence that passed over them before Midii placed a hand on his spiky hair.

"All right, Kenobi," she said, patting his head softly, exaggerating her kindness. "But I don't know how long we can stall Master Qui-Gon."

Obi-Wan's head jerked up, sending a huge wave of blood rushing into his head. He turned to Midii and Jiro.

"What? He's coming? _Here_?"

"Well, my master said to inform him... We tried to say no..." Jiro smiled nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

"I ... I've got to get out of here."

Obi-Wan got to his feet and stumbled forward. Jiro caught him by his padawan braid and yanked Obi-Wan in front of him. "Where do you think you're going, Obi?"

"Away from here," he muttered, his eyes beginning to sting.

"Obi-Wan, please," Midii begged.

For the first time in quite a long while, Obi-Wan turned to Midii and just stared at her. She was a pale skinned human. Her short black hair was pulled into two braided buns on the sides of her head and a few strands of hair lay on her face. Tucked behind her ear and draping over her shoulder was her padawan braid. She had light gray eyes and wore a dark blue tunic that contrasted her eyes greatly. Under her tunic she wore a long, baggy-sleeved gray shirt that had been tied tightly around her wrists and baggy around her hands. She wore dark, almost black, blue pants that hung slightly over her boots, but were tucked in.

Midii seemed to shift under Obi-Wan's heavy stare and she looked over to Jiro for some sort of help.

"Just. Leave me alone," he said quietly as he shoved away from Jiro and stormed out of the room.

After the two heard the door shut quietly, Jiro turned to Midii. "He's hurting."

"I know," Midii said.

"I could sense it through the Force."

"I saw it in his stare."

"He needs to talk to someone." Jiro looked towards Midii, locking his brown eyes with her gray ones.

"I'll do it."

- - -

Obi-Wan plopped down in front of a fountain in the temple gardens. He pressed his finger against the bruise that was on his cheekbone. Qui-Gon had hit him hard. And his friends weren't helping either. He leaned his head against the stone edge of the fountain and let out a deep breath. His hangover seemed to be getting worse. His stomach, no matter how empty of food it was, seemed like it could creep right up his throat.

He choked out a sob and pressed his hands against his face. No, he would not cry again. He was sick of crying. He was sick of feeling sorry for himself. His finger brushed against the bruise in his cheek and he grimaced.

The bruise stung.

And so did his eyes from the tears that were threatening to fall.

Suddenly, he felt a presence next to him. He recognized it once again.

"Midii. Will you just _leave me alone_?"

He felt her fingers brush against the bruise on his cheek. "What happened?"

He turned away from her, frowning at the touch.

"Nothing."

"Kenobi. You've changed... What's wrong? Jiro said he wouldn't even know if it was you we saw at the diner if you still didn't _look_ the same. And we ... saw you crying. Terribly."

Obi-Wan turned completely, hiding his face from Midii.

"Obi-Wan," she said quietly as she held onto his shoulders and turned his face to look at her. "Obi-Wan, what happened?" she asked again, this time in a whisper as she placed her fingers on his cheek.

He tried to look at her without crying. He tried to turn his head but she wouldn't let him move.

"He..." he closed his eyes, leaning close to her. "Qui-Gon, he..." He suddenly drifted into her embrace and sobbed quietly, choking on some of his gasps.

"Obi-Wan, what did he do? Did he do this?"

She wrapped her arms around him a little tighter and stroked his hair, rocking him back and forth like a mother would to her baby.

"I deserved it, though, Midii. I was such a jerk. He—he said... he didn't want me. He doesn't need me, you know. I'm useless to him—to the Jedi."

"No," she said quietly as she held him tighter. "You're not useless. If it wasn't for you, Jiro would've been banned from the temple—stripped of his Jedi powers—because of the stupid pranks he caused and that you covered up for... If it wasn't for you, I'd probably not be here either."

"I'm useless to him, the only one I want to be _someone_, _anyone_ for... I told him today. I told him that he was... he was a bad master. He's not, Midii! He's not!"

Obi-Wan jerked away from her, staring at her straight in the eye.

"He's not a bad master at all! It's me—I'm the bad padawan. I can't do anything right for him. Did you hear about what happened to _me_ at the lower levels? It was _pitiful_! I felt like a two-year-old! I was lying on the ground... just lying there, sobbing, crying, Midii, _crying_!"

He had tears streaming down his face.

"Obi-Wan..." she trailed off, holding onto his wrists. She stared down at them. "You're like bone. Have you been eating?"

The boy laughed dryly. "Every time I look at him, I lose my appetite. Every time I think about how pitiful I am I get nauseous. I've thrown up so much because of him—because of me... Now, I know he's going to leave me. He's going to leave me as my master. He doesn't want me, Midii. I heard him talking to Mace. He doesn't _want_ a padawan, and most of all, me!"

"He's not going to leave you, Obi," she stated. "I know he loves you. Just as much as you love him."

After a few moments of silence, he wiped his face and stood up.

"You're a good liar, Midii. But what I _don't_ need right now is a good liar."

And with that, he turned and walked away, leaving Midii alone. He heard her sniff quietly, but then he was gone.

Straightening himself up, he walked into the hallway full of Jedi whom were wandering this way and that. He knew, and he felt it, that if he took just a few more steps, a few small steps, he'd end up being right in front of the one he hated, but the one he gave his heart to. And, so, he took those two steps and stopped instantly.

"Obi-Wan, I've been looking for you."

The fifteen-year-old boy held his breath and waited for the worst.

"After speaking with Yoda and Mace, I've come to a conclusion."

Obi-Wan didn't lock eyes with his _master_. Instead, his gaze was fixated on the beautifully gray and dismal skies of Coruscant. It was raining outside.

"Tatooine."

__

So, Obi-Wan thought, smiling sadly to himself faintly, _he's finally got enough of me._

- - -

A/N: Should Midii and Jiro be included in the next chapter? I'm not sure how you guys will react to them. XD I think it's a love-hate sort of decision. Review? ^^; —Andrea 


	3. Drunken Talk

A/N: This is, maybe good news to some, bad news to some, but this chapter has a last scene with a talk between Obi/Midii/Jiro. The next chapter, I promise, will have action in it. And a tempting from the Dark Side of the Force...! And, yes, Qui-Gon is still a jerk in this chapter. ^^; In the next chapter, he'll be _somewhat_ good, I promise.

- - -

"Succumb Intoxication"

by ; andrea

x . c h a p t e r t h r e e

; drunken talk

- - -

Obi-Wan trailed behind his master, following him to the council. He tried to keep the feeling of intoxication back, hidden behind his mental shields. What would his master think if he knew he had been drinking? Obi-Wan paused in his thoughts, and then smiled to himself mockingly. His master wouldn't care!

So, he was leaving the temple—he was leaving Coruscant. He was probably going to be some lowly moisture farmer... No, of course not. The council wouldn't be that degrading! Obi-Wan swallowed the lump that was in his throat. He didn't expect much when he decided he was Jedi. He expected to be the keeper of peace... But, somewhere out _there_... He stared up into the sky of Coruscant through the long window that was at the wall of the hallway. He would be a _nobody_...

But that didn't matter, did it?

But, oh, how he wanted to be _someone_ to his master!

No, Qui-Gon was not his master anymore. Well, at least soon, he wouldn't.

Obi-Wan bit his lower lip and tried to walk faster, tried to walk faster so he could get out of here as soon as possible before he'd feel terrible. Too late...

Before he knew it, he was standing before the council, Qui-Gon in front of him. He could feel the eyes of them all bleeding into his skin, through his clothing.

"Insulted the Jedi, you said he did?" the squirmy voice of Yoda asked.

"Yes, he did," Qui-Gon answered formally. "But I do admit. I lost my control. I did strike the boy, which I completely and utterly feel guilty towards."

__

Qui-Gon's a good liar, Obi-Wan thought.

"Is this true, young padawan?" Mace Windu asked.

Obi-Wan raised his head, which had been lowered in shame, and turned to look at Mace. The man's figure was swaying back and forth in his seat. No, that was just Obi-Wan. The Correllian drink was getting to him again.

"Y-yes."

"Wise, it was not, Qui-Gon, to strike this boy. Teach him anger, it did."

"I am aware of that," Qui-Gon answered, nodding his head firmly as he put his hands on his hips in a confident pose.

Yoda closed his huge eyes and lifted a three-fingered hand in front of his face towards Obi-Wan. "The force is strong with this child. Positive, you are, that he should be sent to Tatooine? Patrol Jedi you would like him to be?"

"Yes."

"You do realize that you will not have another padawan," another member of the council spoke up.

"Yes, and I am grateful for that."

Yoda nodded, then added a 'hmm' in his little voice. "Harsh you are to this boy. Half your fault for his wrong-doing, you know it is, correct?"

"No, master," Qui-Gon retorted. "The boy is just stubborn."

Mace interrupted, "The only defiance I sense is in _you_, Qui-Gon Jinn."

Getting back to the point, Qui-Gon went on, "So Kenobi is allowed to be shipped off to Tatooine?"

Obi-Wan flinched at the thought of being 'shipped off.' His master was speaking of him like a mere object.

"But," Obi-Wan said quietly. Qui-Gon turned around to the boy and stared at him. Obi-Wan lowered his head slightly, but kept his eyes on his master. "I don't want to go to Tatooine... Master."

"You don't have much of a say in this."

Obi-Wan visibly shuddered and took a step back. "But it's my future, isn't it? I don't want to be..." He caught himself speaking and closed his mouth immediately. Qui-Gon's figure began to dissolve, sway and blur. He squinted at his master, trying to realize what was wrong.

The drink...

"I'm not feeling well, Master, council... I..."

Feeling all the eyes upon him, he took another step back and put his hands to his face, hoping they wouldn't see him—or sense his disturbance. 

But they had sensed it.

"Drank Corellian liquor, did you not, our young padawan?"

Obi-Wan couldn't recognize the voice. Only Yoda would speak like that, but the voice was terrible, hoarse and high-pitched. He shivered, feeling his knees give way. He plopped down onto the floor, holding his head. Why _now_?! He could hear a few startled gasps coming from the council, but he tried to block them out, as well as everything.

"Your doing, this is," Yoda motioned towards Qui-Gon.

"I didn't even know where he was," Qui-Gon retorted quietly.

"Know that, I do! That is why!"

Mace motioned to the door with his right hand, "Take the boy to the healer's ward. We'll speak about this later."

Qui-Gon turned around to grab the boy's arm and he held him up, walking out of the council. _I got nothing accomplished here,_ he thought. Obi-Wan hobbled behind him with his arm still in Qui-Gon's grasp.

- - -

"There's nothing we can do for him right now. Corellian blue liquor is not something to toy with. Maybe for the rest of the day, and maybe tomorrow, he will have pauses... in the hangover or drunkenness. It switches off and on. But I cannot tell..." the nurse went on, looking at Obi-Wan who was swaying back and forth by his master. "How much he took so I am unsure how long this will last."

Shaking his head to himself, Qui-Gon took his padawan by the arm and led him out of the healer's ward. That visit was also useless. The halls were quiet and not very crowded at all. Obi-Wan tried to focus on the raindrops on the windows, but his head kept spinning.

"Master," he blurted, gripping Qui-Gon's arm that was holding onto him. He held onto his master for support in his drunken walk. "Master—master I'm sorry for what I said. It was wrong and it's not my place—place to say... something like that. I'm glad you hit me—or I don't know what else I'd do."

"Quiet for now, Obi-Wan."

"Y-yes, Master," the boy stuttered.

The door shut behind him. Obi-Wan hadn't realized he had been _dragged_ back to his quarter's. He swallowed hard and then his eyes glanced across the room. Qui-Gon was gone. He was probably in his room. Obi-Wan stood in front of the door, trying to suck up all the emotions that were welling up in every orifice of his body. Especially his mouth. He felt his stomach lurch, possibly, well, it _was_ crawling up his throat!

"Qui—" But before the boy could finish, he swallowed down _whatever_ was threatening to disgorge out of his mouth. "Gon," he finished, sinking back onto the door, trying to find the support in his legs. He couldn't stand up much longer. But suddenly, a wave of relief washed over him.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he whirled to his side to see Jiro—standing there.

The events just seemed to come down on him so fast.

"How did you!? So fast!?" he spat.

"Shh," Jiro said, nudging Obi-Wan into the small hallway that led to his room. "Qui-Gon's gone and—well—you're _really_ sick. He sent for us to watch after you while he... well," Jiro paused, turning to his side.

Midii was standing beside Jiro, her hands behind her back as she watched Obi-Wan. She didn't say anything. She let her feelings out into the force, hoping Obi-Wan could feel them. But he didn't, since he was not at all sober.

"He's not here right now," Jiro said, not knowing how to finish off his earlier sentence.

Turning his head sloppily back to his friend who had just spoken, he got pushed into his bed carefully. This all happened so fast, that the next movement came extremely slow. The blankets on his bed pulled gently over his shivering body by Midii's delicate fingers.

In this brief moment, he closed his eyes, trying to concentrate and make everything smoothly go back to its original pace. Everything went so fast, or too, too slow.

After taking a few steady breaths, he opened his eyes to find Jiro hovering over him, grinning slightly.

Jiro had bright, ginger-brown hair that seemed to contrast his dark brown eyes. A mischievous grin never left his face any moment. His skin color was that of deep chocolate which stood out with his blazing white teeth.

After taking a look at Jiro, Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile.

"Jiro, with you just _here_ brings a smile to my face."

The brown-eyed boy couldn't help but grin even wider. "What are friends for?"

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, and kept them shut.

- - -

Obi-Wan awoke later that night, or earlier, very earlier, to have his eyesight fine and, most importantly, normal. He gazed around his room. He saw Jiro and Midii crumbled up onto each other in the one chair that was in his room. Midii, surprisingly, was awake, her chin on Jiro's shoulder, who was snoring loudly.

Midii, also surprisingly, to Obi-Wan at least, had dry traces of tears down her pale face.

Obi-Wan paused, then forced a smile to his friend. She didn't move from her position.

He suddenly felt a huge rush of guilt wash over him. He hadn't told his two best friends yet, has he?

"... Midii. I'm... leaving, soon."

Midii was sitting beside Jiro, but leaning on his shoulder. He must have seen her crying. The girl nodded gently, but felt another tear stream down her face.

"So is Jiro, you know."

Obi-Wan didn't say anything for a moment; he only turned to look at the ceiling. The silence began tainting the air around the three.

But Jiro's snoring drove it away.

"Why is he leaving?"

"He's going to a planet called Naboo. And he's not returning. And you—you're leaving too, aren't you? That's what Qui-Gon had told us..."

Her voice cracked and bent on her last sentence. She leaned her head closer to Jiro's and held her breath.

"And I'm to stay here—on Coruscant," she finished off quietly. "And that's the truth, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan shut his eyes tightly and bit his lip. He didn't mean what he had said before, did he? Well, it didn't matter if he did or didn't, because he regretted it now.

"I'm sorry, Vesper."

"Doesn't matter, Kenobi," she stated quietly, furrowing her brows. "At least you're here right now—and, thank the Force, you're all right."

"This is my last time seeing you... Midii."

"I know, Kenobi."

"We had some fun times together."

"Being a Jedi has hardly any fun in it."

"I know... and it looks like, for me, being a Jedi is something that has never been right."

"Don't say that," she whispered desperately. "You're a great Jedi. I don't see what's wrong with your master, but you... you have great potential. I'd do anything, _anything_ for you to become a Jedi. Right now, I feel... lost."

"I do, too."

- - -

Later, after Midii and Obi-Wan had their last talk quietly, and while Jiro snored, Qui-Gon stepped into the room. He turned to look at Jiro and Midii. The one stare that he had given the two was enough to say a million words. Midii woke Jiro up gently by touching his forehead and using the Force. She stood up, Jiro groggily standing up after her. The two young padawans bowed to the older master and made their way out of the room.

"If you are able to stand, we are ready to leave, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan sat up from his bed and stood. He took his cloak that was draping over the chair Jiro and Midii were sitting in. He pulled the hood over his head and put his hands in the baggy sleeves. He was ready to leave.

But he wasn't ready to give up being a Jedi _completely_. Sure, he would be somewhere on Tatooine, doing absolutely nothing but preventing brawls at cantinas, but, still, he would be a Jedi. He remembered the words he had said to his master.

__

But what did I expect from a Jedi_?!_

His eyes stung with hot tears but he blinked them away.

"Then we are ready to leave."

Obi-Wan took a bag and swung it over his shoulder. That was all he needed for the rest of his life, wasn't it? A bag of clothes and a light saber at his side.

That was all he needed... right?

- - -

A/N: Yep. I'm finally getting into the real plot! D The next chapter will possibly be longer than the rest because... well, why am I telling you this!? You'll just have to read. Heheh. Oh, and Midii and Jiro won't be included so much. I got some mixed opinions. Some people loved them. Some people hated them. I will include them later on, but the main focus here is Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. Someone from Obi-Wan's past will show up in the next chapter. *Hears gasps from the readers.* Jiro's past will also take on a slightly bigger part in the next chapter. (But there'll be no Jiro. ^^;) I'm confusing you, aren't I? Oh well. Just getting you prepared for what you're gonna read later on. Review? ^____^;


	4. Shadow of the Past

A/N: No comment. :D Just read.

- - -

"Succumb Intoxication"

by ; andrea

x . c h a p t e r f o u r

; shadow of the past

- - -

The ship was almost completely silent besides the whirring of the engines. It would be maybe another few hours before they would reach Tatooine. That was, before Obi-Wan would reach Tatooine. Who was he going to go with, anyway? Would he be completely alone? Would he have just a little home? Or would he be homeless? Would he have a partner—a master? No, not likely. He wanted to ask. Qui-Gon was sitting in the pilot's seat, so close... but he was so far away that Obi-Wan couldn't even speak to him.

"Take your hood off," Qui-Gon ordered quietly, breaking the silence.

"No, Master, I'm quite all right."

Obi-Wan had cold tears welling up in his eyes. His fingers and arms trembled slightly. If he hadn't been clenching his teeth, he would be rattling. The alcohol was beginning to wear off, but leaving its stains in Obi-Wan's body. He felt terribly cold, and horribly alone. But the lonesome feeling, of course, was not the cause of the blue drink.

Did he deserve this? Most likely, he did.

He was in such self-pity he didn't even realize Qui-Gon had jerked up from his seat. Tatooine! Has it already been _that_ long? Yes, it has. Obi-Wan sat up straighter so he could see the planet through the large window of the ship. It was. Brown.

Brown... Big... and, well... brown.

Obi-Wan swallowed hard. Yes, this was it.

They had landed on Tatooine without much of a commotion. Following his master through the crowded streets full of rogues, smugglers and whatnot, the boy's mind kept on trailing back towards Coruscant. So, he would never see Coruscant again? Was his life already sorted out for him? He was to stay here for the _rest_ of his _life_—until he died.

Until he died...

A terrible thought had haunted his mind ever since they landed. Giving in. Giving into his self-pity, his depression. He was already on the path to the Dark side, wasn't he? First it was anger... Then it was regret... Now it's depression. Soon it will be suffering. But hadn't he been suffering since the day he was a _Jedi_?!

His first master had died before they could even start a training bond. She was murdered. Murdered by a mere Kei pirate. His second master was a very mysterious man. They did talk, but Obi-Wan could admit now, that the man was very frightening. And he, yes, he was scared of him. After training for only two years, his master had joined the Dark side.

And the thought made a rush of coldness crawl through Obi-Wan's skin. He was tempted to join the Dark side. And, since he was young, maybe ten years old at the time, the council would have thought he had turned, having a malevolent _master_ and such. But, Obi-Wan did not. Sometimes Obi-Wan would find himself thinking about what it would have been like for him if he had just given into his old master.

But he was glad when the council had told him he had made the right choice—and they were _proud_ of him.

The council never did tell Qui-Gon about his padawan's past, had they?

But it didn't matter now. He was a Jedi, and one of the Light side. He would use the Force only for the good of ... everyone, even if that had excluded him.

Snapping himself back into reality, Obi-Wan noticed that Qui-Gon was speaking with a pinkish Twi'lek.

"You will take me to the cantina," he ordered, waving his hand slightly in the air.

The Twi'lek repeated his words and led the two Jedi to a cantina.

- - -

"Obi-Wan, stay here for a few minutes. I'll be back with someone who you must meet."

"Yes, master," Obi-Wan said quietly. He sat down at a table alone and stared at his hands. He didn't want to bring attention to himself. But the aliens around him began speaking about him—and he knew it. Qui-Gon must be bringing someone he was to stay with for the rest of his life.

Someone he was to stay with for the rest of his life.

Obi-Wan shivered, feeling a sudden sting of coldness crawl through his skin again. But, this time, it wasn't just _him_. Someone was doing it. Someone was watching him. Turning his eyes towards the cantina booth slowly, his crystal-blue eyes locked with a man...

A man he hadn't seen for years.

His eyes were flooded with fire but his grin was as cold as ice.

And that was what he recognized. The cold grin that used to be flooded with love for a boy, and the eyes full of rage that had used to be calm and concerned.

The uniform he wore was simply that of a Kei pirate. It was just merely a simple black uniform that would have stood out like a sore thumb in a crowd of every species of aliens. A black smuggler's vest was what he wore over a simple black shirt. It wasn't too convenient for the hot desert... but at least he was noticed as someone who you wouldn't want to toy around with. He wore tall, black shiny boots and his pants had a red stripe down both legs. The red stripe on the black pants gave him away. He was a Kei pirate—and a Dark Jedi.

Obi-Wan hadn't even noticed he had been trembling because of _him_.

Mikal Rela was his name. Master Rela was what Obi-Wan had called him once.

His once strawberry blonde hair had been tinted almost a pure crimson red.

Some creature scurried near his boots. It was the same creatures he remembered seeing on the lower levels of Coruscant... Those same spider creatures... That must mean...

"Qui..."

But it was too late. The man was hovering over him, already a hand on his shoulder.

"Little Obi-Wan. You're alone? Here? Why so?"

"I... I can take care of myself."

"Where's your _new_ master?" he hissed, with a fake kind smile on his face.

He could feel the coldness seeping through his clothes and into his skin. He backed away and was now pressed against the wall, staring at the dark man with wide-eyes. He had never been so surprised in his life.

"He's here. In fact, he's right over there, Mikal," he said quietly, with complete and utter fear seeping through his voice.

Mikal smiled grimly and his eyes widened menacingly. Ice shot through Obi-Wan's bones and he froze instantly. His ex-master stood up straight, taking his hand off of Obi-Wan's shoulder. Then he turned around and _left_.

__

He's been following me, Obi-Wan thought. Scared... he was so scared... He felt so helpless... Who would save him now?

"Master Qui-Gon..."

Mikal disappeared into the crowd of aliens.

Who would save him now? Who would save him now? He was alone. He brought his legs up to his chest and put his chin on his knees. He wanted Qui-Gon to be here right now.

He felt like a five-year-old again.

He felt like the nine-year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi who was tempted to give up his life and succumb to the Dark side just because of his master. He always had to follow his master, didn't he? He followed Mikal everywhere... everywhere until he met a man named Sidious... but, now, was he a Kei pirate? Or was he disguised as a Kei pirate?

He never told anyone about his ex-master—because he feared him.

- - -

A while later, Obi-Wan felt a hand on his shoulder that startled him. He backed away into the wall quickly before looking up. It was Qui-Gon.

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said quietly, eyeing the boy, "Tomorrow I'll be leaving you. You're to stay with a woman named Lalé."

Obi-Wan watched the woman standing behind Qui-Gon. She was tall, thin and lanky. Much like Obi-Wan himself. Her dark brown hair seemed to blend in with her coffee-colored skin. She nodded at Obi-Wan.

__

But, Master, Obi-Wan tried to call through his bond as he turned to look at his master. _I can't... stay here._

Qui-Gon did not hear. Or he just ignored.

"The reason why you're here," the woman interrupted, folding her arms across her chest. "Is to keep watch over one of the slaves. It is said that this one special slave may be that of an Imperial spy. The reason why we cannot just _kill_ this person is because he is a _slave_ and belongs to someone. If we kill this slave, the owner mind as well just kill us."

__

Great, Obi-Wan thought dryly, t_his deal just gets better and better._ But he nodded.

"Your missions may be like this all the time. But this mission may last a while... because _you_ are to be an undercover slave."

"But," Qui-Gon turned around to face the woman. He had been silent for quite some time. "That was never a part of the deal."

__

Deal? Qui-Gon does think of me as just an object.

"I told you half of the truth. I didn't lie. I just didn't say everything."

Lalé was one that couldn't be trusted. This whole planet couldn't be trusted. Lalé smiled cunningly showing her white teeth.

"All right."

"But, Master!" Obi-Wan but in harshly. The cantina almost fell silent. But then Obi-Wan spoke up again, this time quieter, "I can't stay here..."

"You will do as the council says."

"But the council didn't want me to go—you convinced them—"

"Obi-Wan, silence."

And, so, Obi-Wan was silent.

- - -

Obi-Wan stayed close to his master. The streets of Tatooine at night were not something the boy was particularly fond of—especially when he knew someone was watching him. He had been trembling very softly that Qui-Gon hadn't noticed. He was terribly frightened. He was frightened for himself. He was frightened for his future.

What was he worth now?!

__

Nothing, a voice said in the back of his head. He stopped walking, and just listened. _You're worth nothing, Obi-Wan. Just give into it, Obi-Wan Kenobi, my dear padawan._

"Stop."

He turned around to face nothing.

"Go away. Leave me alone. Go away."

His voice was hardly a whisper.

"Is everything all right, Kenobi?" Lalé asked.

"Yes. I'm just going to go for a walk. I'll... be at your place in a while."

He turned back around to face Lalé and Qui-Gon. They watched him for a moment before Qui-Gon nodded. They turned around and began walking towards their destination— Lalé's home.

Obi-Wan pulled his hood gently over his head and began walking. He knew he'd eventually meet up with the man who was invading his thoughts.

- - -

Obi-Wan sat down near a stand that, during the day, was full of animal carcasses: food. The smell was still tainting the air. The moons were high up in the sky now. He wondered if Qui-Gon was worried about him. He did, after all, say that he would be at Lalé's place in just a while. It's been more than a _while_.

He two black boots stand before him. He looked up to see the same man he feared, but the same man he wanted to see stand right in front of him. He smiled down at Obi-Wan coldly.

"Hello there, again," Mikal said. His smile twisted into a malicious grin. "Feeling a little down?"

Obi-Wan stared at Mikal. He was terrified of the man. He pressed his back into the post that he was leaning on and just stared at the man.

"You fear me, don't you?" Mikal bent down and stared at the boy at his eye level. "Good. All you need to do is just give into me—the Dark side. All your problems will go away."

"I want you to leave me alone. Just leave me alone," Obi-Wan wailed quietly as he pressed his head back against the pole.

"You want me to leave you alone? How come you don't want Qui-Gon to leave you alone? He never cared for you, you know."

"I know."

"He's going to let you die here, you know."

"I know." It came as no surprise to Obi-Wan that Mikal knew that.

"I would never do that to you."

"You did," Obi-Wan stated, locking his eyes with his ex-master's.

"Oh, but that was _your_ choice. I offered, Obi-Wan. I would never _force_ you to. I'm asking you now. Come with me."

"I..."

"Give into your depression, Obi-Wan. You'll never feel it again. You'll be with me—I'm that one that loved you, Obi-Wan. Not like that egotistical Qui-Gon Jinn."

"I know you loved me."

Mikal curled his lips back into an exaggerated sad face. "Don't you love me, too?"

"I did. I did until you killed yourself."

"Killed myself? Oh, Obi. I'm as alive as I could ever be."

"Stop it... I don't want to be... like you." Obi-Wan stared at Mikal, trembling. The boy's face was pale with fright.

"You don't have to be like me. Obi-Wan, I would never leave you if that weren't what you wanted. I loved you like a son, my boy."

"Then why'd you turn? Why...?"

"Because it was everything I ever wanted. Obi-Wan, I wanted you to come with me, really, I did. But it was your decision..." Mikal's smile widened into a twisted grin. "You see, I let you choose. Not like Qui-Gon."

Obi-Wan felt his mind getting probed. He tried hiding his feelings, he tried to remain stoic but he couldn't... He didn't know how...

"I can see through your mental shields, my apprentice. All you need to do is let me feel your pain—I'll take it away from you right away, Obi. You are a gifted boy... Put your special strengths to use!"

"I..."

Should he give into him? Should he give into the Dark side?! But Mikal was right. He was right in every way there was.

"I..."

"Just let your feelings free. I'll make everything better. Everything you _dreamed_ of... will be yours, Obi."

"Qui-Gon..." his voice was weak. His eyes softened and he lowered himself towards the floor. "... Qui-Gon help... You, leave me alone... I..."

"Give in."

"I..."

"Give into it!"

Obi-Wan's hands trailed down to his belt. His fingers brushed against his light saber.

"Obi, how can you still stand by a man like that?! That's all you have right now! If you just give in, you could have anything you wanted!"

He stared at Mikal. He wanted to be with him so badly—be with _someone_ who would _care_ for him _so badly_. But Mikal wasn't able to be trusted anymore. He's a Dark Jedi... But he's happy...

And he wants Obi-Wan to be with him?

He wants _Obi-Wan_ to be _with_ him?

Obi-Wan felt Mikal grab his hand gingerly and hold it in front of their faces. "Obi-Wan, it's all you wanted..."

Obi-Wan felt himself giving in...

- - -

A/N: HA! I am EVIL! D Stay tuned for the next chapter! There may only be two/maybe three more chapters to this... but they'll be _long_! Stay tuned! Does this situation remind of you of Luke/Vader? That was kind of my inspiration. D Heh. Who will be Obi-Wan's savior now?!


	5. I'm Sorry

"Succumb Intoxication"

by ; andrea

x . c h a p t e r f i v e

; i'm sorry

- - -

Obi-Wan felt himself giving into his sadness.

Obi-Wan Kenobi stared into the eyes of what his old master used to be. He could almost see all the compassion—all the regret for what he had done rush into those dark eyes of his. Did Mikal Rela really want him to be with him—but on the Dark side? No, this was a trick. For Obi-Wan saw the rush of trickery in his eyes wash away all the compassion and replace it with apathy and deception.

"Come with me, my apprentice," his voice called quietly with a dismal grin on his face.

The youth stared for another moment before he stood up shakily. He could see the dismal smile on his ex-master's face soften. Obi-Wan straightened himself, taking off his hood and brushing off his cloak. Mikal stood up and looked down at Obi-Wan, now smiling darkly.

"That's a boy. Now all you need to do is open our old bond... That's all!" he whispered excitedly.

Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment. He did not move.

"Come on. You're so close."

Obi-Wan's cloak fell to the sandy ground. It made a 'thump' sound as it fell. His blue light saber ignited.

"You can't fool me anymore, Mikal Rela. I'm sick of being tricked. And the last thing I want in my life is to be manipulated by _you_. If you don't love me—why even _try_?!"

Mikal Rela grinned widely. A flash of red appeared before his tall form—but before him stood another. "You've grown." Mikal's eyes trailed across Obi-Wan. He was a fine Jedi for fifteen. Do you think you can kill me?"

"Killing you won't solve anything—but if that's what has to be done, then so be it."

"I sense your sadness. This _anger_," he hissed, "won't solve anything. Will this _anger_ make Qui-Gon want _you_? If you just come with me..."

"Your deception won't work on me anymore! I know I'm not worth it!" he yelled.

Suddenly, a vision flashed before Obi-Wan's eyes. It was a vision of himself, falling, to the floor, dead...? Injured? He didn't know. But the cause of his fall was because of a red blade.

Mikal grinned.

"Run."

Obi-Wan's hands trembled.

"Run. While you still can. Just run away, Obi. Run away or _I'll_ catch you, Obi. Run."

Obi-Wan's mouth dropped open, trying to say something, but he couldn't find his voice.

"RUN." Mikal's voice was a harsh whisper and his eyes were menacing with evil. Evil that was dripping from every pore from the skin of his pale face. It was the evil that was steaming into the air.

And his blue light saber fell from his hands. The only sound heard throughout the quiet Tatooine alleyway was that of Obi-Wan's boots padding against the sand. He was not running towards Lalé's hut where Qui-Gon was. Where Qui-Gon was, pacing back and forth, anxiously waiting for the boy to return from his 'walk.'

- - -

Qui-Gon paused, hearing a soft knock on the door. Lalé was busy in the kitchen doing something, most likely, making a meal for Obi-Wan and himself. Lalé, no doubt, was a fairly decent woman—at least, when she wasn't on the streets of Tatooine.

The soft knock came at the door again, but this time louder.

Qui-Gon made his way to the door and opened it slowly.

He was surprised to have something thrown at him, but he caught it indifferently. The dark figure in the doorway turned and left. Qui-Gon was too surprised to even run after the figure.

Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber was thrown at him.

And the figure in the doorway was definitely not Obi-Wan Kenobi. Qui-Gon's mind raced for a moment_. Search for the boy. Search for the boy. Search for the boy_, something in the back of his mind told him.

"Miss Lalé, I'll return."

And with that, he was out the door.

- - -

Obi-Wan had no idea where he was. He knew that if he were somewhat semi-conscious about the world around him, he wouldn't like it. But he wouldn't like anywhere he would be right now. He wondered... what it would be like... to just... be gone. He lost any source of will to do anything that moment. He just fell to the side of the sandy alleyway under the two moons. Leaning against the wall, he slid down. He felt some dry, scaly creature slither over his fingertips. He held his breath.

Then he lay his head against the floor.

All those silly dreams—all those silly dreams of being a great Jedi. He could have sworn he would have given in. What made him run? What made him run away?

Mikal told him to run.

All those silly dreams of being someone. What was he now? He was a cowering, worthless little boy on the floor of a worthless planet. He knew what he was. He knew he couldn't deny it anymore. Obi-Wan felt himself shaking softly, but uncontrollably. When was the last time he had eaten?

Food...

Would he eventually starve himself to death?

The option was likely now. Who would stop him? He obviously had no more self-dignity.

"Obi-Wan. You're such a good boy," he told himself. "I'd be glad to take you as my padawan learner. You're such a good, good boy. You believe in yourself so well. I believe in you, too, Obi. I love you, padawan."

He repeated those words over and over and over and over. _I love you, padawan._ He wished he could hear those words come from someone else's mouth besides his own. He could see his fingers tracing in the sand under the dim moonlight. What was he writing? He didn't know—maybe random characters of random languages?

"I love you, padawan."

Sometimes he wished those words weren't such a lie. No, he _always_ wished those words weren't a lie. Even if they only left his mouth, in replace of his master's, it was _still_ a lie. He shook. He shook terribly. Then he forced himself to close his eyes.

He knew he was welcoming every alien to take every single one of his belongings by just falling asleep here. He didn't mind. He didn't care. It didn't matter if he didn't matter.

- - -

Qui-Gon came back to Lalé's home. His search was a failure. He had no idea how to find the boy. Most likely, if he didn't have his saber with him, he was either dead or being held ransom for, or robbed. There was really no use for a boy—

Qui-Gon's breath caught in his throat. There was no use for a boy unless he was a slave. Had he failed a mission? Had he failed the mission to bring Obi-Wan to Tatooine in safety? SAFETY? There was _no_ such _thing_ as _safety_ on Tatooine! What was he _thinking_! Bringing a fifteen-year-old boy here to stay for the _rest of his life_? He would wind up being either _dead_ or turned into some kind of smuggler or bounty hunter! He would be _no_ Jedi!

He leaned against the doorway. Lalé stood in the hallway, holding a bowl in her hand as she stirred the contents in it with a metal spoon.

"Did you find the boy?"

"No," he answered simply as he took a deep breath.

"He ran away?" She clicked her tongue a few times. "Not a good impression, might I mind you, Jinn."

"I—think I need to think this over. I am not sure... if the council wishes this."

"The council? Ah, sure," she said obliviously as she walked back into the kitchen.

Lalé would be a good woman unless she would just give up her life of deception and gambling. How did he come to meet her anyway...?

It was a few years ago...

He decided not to flood himself back with memories. _Focus on the present, Qui-Gon,_ he told himself. Then he laughed quietly. _Present? Is that what you've been doing? That's why the boy is... in such a terrible position. You... keep focusing on the past. You have a padawan—you have_ responsibility, _Qui-Gon. You—must think of the boy. Is this right for him? Was it right to have slapped him?_

__

No, I shouldn't have slapped him. I did it out of anger. And, now... what is he doing? He's lost on Tatooine because of me—probably dead. _Yes, he's probably _dead_ because of you and your dwellings on the past! But he did mean what he said. He did not know how to handle his emotions, though._

The boy has no will to handle his emotions. The boy is full of anger and depression. If he would give in to the Dark side, he would definitely be their ultimate puppet—their ultimate toy.

The boy is dangerous.

At that moment, he decided he would find the boy. He _would_ find the boy—even if that meant opening up their closed bond. He could not risk a Jedi to the Dark side—especially when he was capable of stopping it. Qui-Gon closed his eyes and felt the Force wrap around him. He searched for the boy's weak Force signature, and found it easily.

__

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon called through the boy's delicate bond with his master. _Obi-Wan, where are you?_

What surprised him somewhat was the incredible emotion that spilled from the boy's aura. It was unthinkable pain. It was unbelievable sorrow. It was unimaginable suffering. But the Jedi Master sensed no hate. No hate what so ever. Why would he ever think this boy was full of hate? Maybe because he spoke of such disgust towards the Jedi that morning. Why had he done that? The only way Qui-Gon would find out would be to ask the boy himself.

__

Obi-Wan, answer me.

The boy's thoughts didn't answer.

__

Obi-Wan! Where are you?

__

Master...?

The thought was so weak, Qui-Gon wasn't sure if he felt it.

__

Obi-Wan? Where are you?

__

I—don't know. I'm sorry. I'll come back...

__

Good.

__

But—I can't stand. I'm so weak. I can't do anything right, _master. I'm so pitiful. He told me to run—and—and I did. I ran like a child. I am a child. I am a stupid, pitiful, pitiful, pitiful, worthless child._

Just come back, Obi-Wan.

I can't. He'll find me. Master, our bond...

Just come back.

__

Why did you open our bond, Master? I thought—I...

__

Where are you? Stay where you are.

Qui-Gon flung open the door and ran out.

- - -

Obi-Wan was so bruised up. The rough alien smugglers and robbers stole almost every valuable thing Obi-Wan had—that also included his pride. But did he have pride in the first place? No. He never had pride. He never had any self-dignity. All they stole from him were his things—which also included his cloak and half of the top layer of his tunic. They also managed to give the padawan a black eye in the process.

"I love you, my padawan," he whispered to himself. "I love you, my padawan."

He was oblivious to the fact that he felt strong arms wrap around him. He just kept on whispering to himself. His headache was throbbing, as well as his vision. But, for some reason, he didn't retaliate. He just yielded to the feeling that seemed to probe into his mind. It was a good feeling, though. It felt like something the healers would have done if he were had a nasty accident in saber practice.

But, wait. He wasn't on Coruscant.

Putting the thought aside, he slowly leaned his head against the cloth of a Jedi robe. He kept on whispering to himself. Maybe if he whispered, it might all just go away...

- - -

When Obi-Wan woke up, he realized that he wasn't anywhere _near_ Tatooine. He was on the ship. He was on the ship that him and his master rode to Tatooine.

Master...

Obi-Wan jerked himself up from his cot and stumbled his way to stand up.

  
"Master—he—Rela—Dark side! Master, where are you?"

Panic rushed through him as his eyes searched around the white room desperately. The door! He ran to the door and clicked the pad next to it and it opened swiftly as he stumbled out into the hallway, knocking himself into the other wall. He grabbed onto the railing and tried to run somewhere—somewhere where his master would be.

He stopped abruptly though, still holding onto the rail. He turned around slowly, cautiously, while building up his mental shields.

"Master..." he sighed, relieved, but he did not show it. He straightened himself up. There were a few bruises on his face, and he felt them throb from the sudden rush of adrenaline and the abrupt stop.

"What are you doing up?" Qui-Gon said sternly as he put his hands on his hips in a high-ranking pose.

"I was wondering—I—last night... I lost..."

"Your light saber? I know." He motioned to his belt. There were two sabers hooked to it.

Obi-Wan swallowed. He also knew that one of those bruises were not from last night. He smiled at his Master. He tried to smile. He did, actually, but it was a very nervous smile.

"I didn't—mean to. He said run and I did... and then... here—why am I here and not on Tatooine, master? Master? Should I call you that...? I know you didn't like me calling you that... I didn't mean to burden you once more last night. I was just sick—last night... so hungry..."

Qui-Gon had not stopped the boy's babbling that made absolutely no sense to him. He figured the boy must need to get it out. When the boy closed his mouth, now embarrassed or ashamed, he tried to probe into his mind through their bond, but found the shields were up tight.

"Yes, Obi-Wan. You were sick. Explain to me _why_ I received your light saber last night from a knock on Lalé's door?"

He could see the boy was visibly trembling.

"Master. There's—something I need to tell you. I don't think the Council told you... about one of my old masters."

Obi-Wan's eyes traced down to the floor, his mouth still half-open with the words he still wanted to say.

"Yes?" Qui-Gon urged him on indifferently.

"Mikal Rela joined the Dark side. He was my master once. And, he, he... he's been following me. I didn't know it. He—at the Cantina he approached me. He _scared_ me, Master. I didn't know... I didn't know anything. I was _scared_ of him. He also followed me when—Lalé... He told me to **run**. I did. I ran... I ran from him, from you, from... me. And, you know what? I felt... angry."

Obi-Wan scowled and clenched his fists, looking away.

Qui-Gon did not say anything.

"I felt angry—and I didn't like it, Master. He asked me—he asked me to give in. He wanted me to come with him. He said he loved me." His fingers loosened and his face softened. "Right then I knew he was lying."

Qui-Gon still did not say anything. His eyes only stared down at the boy in front of him.

"Sometimes I say... things—as if you were there. And then—I wish you would be listening. But—now that you are... I'm too scared to tell you. I'm too scared..."

"Do not be scared of anything, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan forced a dry laugh. "Yeah. But it's hard to. Especially when—when. Damn it. I don't know. I don't know a damn thing, do I, Master?"

Obi-Wan looked up to Qui-Gon with his tear-brimming eyes.

"I don't know a damn thing. I'm such a damn imbecile, jerk, idiot, fool. And, you know what? I felt myself giving into him. I felt something _terrible_ though. Do you know what I felt? Do you know why I didn't turn?"

Qui-Gon didn't answer. His face remained motionless.

"Because I thought about _you_." Obi-Wan laughed dryly again. "You. Because I thought about someone that didn't even give a damn about me. He didn't care if I would rot myself in misery on Tatooine. And I know why you came after me, too. Because you knew... you knew _something_. I don't know what, but you _knew_. You thought I was going to turn. You didn't want another one to turn to the Dark side. You could care less if I was some lost boy. You would have done that for anyone. The one thing I want to know is—what I've _always_ wanted to know is—why... do you hate me?"

"Because—" he began quietly.

"Don't answer that... please." Obi-Wan swallowed and a tear rolled down his cheek. "I... I'm sorry."

He laughed. Obi-Wan laughed. He laughed at himself, wiping the tear away from his face as he looked down.

"It's funny, really. Here I am spilling everything out to you. In the middle of a hallway. Of a ship I don't even know where it's heading. And you can just stand there. Silent. Silent, while I just tell you... everything... Maybe I was better off on Tatooine. At least I wouldn't have to be by anyone who would do this to me. You were right, though. And you have your chance. You can get rid of me. You can just throw me away like everyone _else_ did." He sniffed, feeling his knees getting weak.

"Your sick. You should go back to bed," Qui-Gon stated calmly.

"You think I'm an idiot. I am. I guess no one would have told me _that_ truth. Yeah, I'm sick, too. I've been sick. I've been sick. I've been _very_ sick. I haven't eaten at all. I think it's bad for my body. But no one seems to care—which is OK I guess. But it feels _terrible_. It feels so damn terrible. It's like I'm rotting away every single minute. And, now, if I do eat, it's gone in the next few minutes because I just vomit it up anyway. So I don't see the point. I wonder how long someone can stay like this... How long do you think, Master?"

"Not very long."

"That's what I was hoping."

Qui-Gon stiffened. "What?"

"Well. Last night. I figured. What's the point? Tell me, Master, what is the point? Where are we going—and what point does it have for me?"

"We're going to the Council to speak of you. You are vulnerable to the Dark side."

"Wouldn't it be easier if I just... if I just... Oh, Master. What's wrong with me? I'm not right. This isn't right. We should be—we should be nice. We should have a nice bond. We should have a nice relationship. We should have nice quarters where we would talk about nice things. And after saber battles you would congratulate me nicely and take me out to nice dinner on a nice level of Coruscant—maybe just one nice day in my life. There wasn't a day when I would get—when I would get to talk to you. Sure we would talk. But we wouldn't _talk_."

"I know what you're talking about."

"Then why haven't we? Why haven't we talked one damn time about something besides—besides... Oh, I'm yelling... I'm sorry... I can't... think right." Obi-Wan's face fell from anger to shame in a split second. "I'm sorry. It's not my place... I shouldn't be talking this... this way... I..." Obi-Wan rubbed his face, and he intentionally rubbed the bruise from where Qui-Gon had hit him. "I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry for waltzing into your life. You were better off without me. I'm sorry..."

"It wasn't your choice."

"I know it wasn't my choice. But... for some reason, well, I know the reason, I wanted to be with you. To say the damn truth is, well... I admired you. I thought you were a great Jedi. I also knew that... I was a big thorn in your side. I liked you, Qui-Gon. Remember... remember that day when... when you were sick...? You were all alone in the room of a thousand fountains and I gave you something stupid. Something you probably don't remember. Well. I gave you that little flower and set it by you. That was when no one would talk to me because they felt intimidated by me—because my master had turned. Do you remember that stupid flower?"

"Yes. I remember. That was when a dear friend of mine had died."

"Well... I was sitting alone, too. You didn't see me... but... I put a bunch of flowers next to you while you were meditating and ran off." Obi-Wan laughed. And this time when he wiped the tears from his face, they didn't flow back.

"I remember those flowers. They died later that day."

Obi-Wan paused. "Oh."

A long silence passed between them as Obi-Wan stared at the floor.

He forced a light laugh that he didn't open his mouth for. Qui-Gon looked at the boy and realized that he wasn't laughing, but he was sobbing.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered as he stumbled to the side. He was trying to walk away but was failing miserably. Why did he have to bring that subject up? To humiliate himself even more?! "I thought... the flowers would've cheered you up..."

And with that, Obi-Wan stumbled into the room that he had woken up in and locked the door. He plopped down on the bed and cried himself softly to sleep.

Qui-Gon tried to reach out to the boy and say he was sorry for what he had just said. He was only telling the truth. The flowers did die that day. But before he could reach Obi-Wan, he heard the door shut and lock.

"I'm sorry, padawan." _I can never say anything right anymore._

- - -

A/N: Heh. So now you understand why Obi-Wan loved Qui-Gon so much? He admired him. Yep. I got tears in my eyes while writing this. I'm so pitiful. :D


	6. A Friend Indeed

A/N: The two song lyrics used are from Placebo's songs "Every You and Every Me" and "Pure Morning." Go download/buy the CD. They're really good. I'm not sure if those are the exact lyrics because I didn't look them up. I happened to be listening to Placebo while writing this and I went "Hey... that's a good song for ze storeh!" Yeah.

- - -

"Succumb Intoxication"

by ; andrea

x . c h a p t e r s i x

; a friend indeed

- - -

So, the flowers did not cheer his master up. What was he thinking, anyway? He was just an idiot little boy. He still is just an idiot little boy. Obi-Wan forced himself to open his eyes. He was facing the white wall. Their ship was heading back to Coruscant. And it was because of Obi-Wan. He was being such a burden again.

__

Stop it, Kenobi. He told himself as he sat up groggily. _You're being self-centered. You're being self-centered once again. Think about Qui-Gon. If he doesn't like me the way I am, I better change it._

Obi-Wan made his way to the 'fresher and looked at himself in the mirror. He was a wreck. He splashed himself with cold water and sighed quietly.

"Feeling better?"

Obi-Wan jumped at the voice that startled him and whirled around to face the doorway. Qui-Gon was standing in it.

Composing himself, and building up his mental shields, which were down at the moment, he nodded. "I'm fine, Master. I'm ready to speak to the Council, as well."

"Poise yourself and follow me out."

Obi-Wan stared at himself in the mirror, before stroking his padawan braid. He got a terrible feeling right then—it was as if he knew he wouldn't be able to feel it again.

- - -

Standing before the Council, and the center of their attention at the moment, was Obi-Wan Kenobi. All eyes were on him. Qui-Gon stood behind the boy, his hands in his sleeves and listening to Yoda's words intently. But he kept his mouth closed and kept from speaking or retorting of Yoda's words.

"The boy, much emotion—I sense from him. His feelings are clearer than his last visit, at the least. Hmm." Yoda nodded solemnly, as did Qui-Gon.

"And you did almost send him to Tatooine. The will of the Force had stopped you," Mace stated calmly to Qui-Gon. "And his emotions... they are focused on _you_."

"Much sadness. Much fear. Much depression. On your decision, are you sure, Master Jinn?"

"The boy _is_ dangerous to the Jedi order. He is vulnerable to the Sith."

Yoda tapped his cane on the tile floor for a moment before nodding in agreement and turning to Mace Windu. The dark-skinned man nodded and turned to Qui-Gon and his apprentice. 

"Master Jinn, we are glad you have brought this boy to us before it was too late. He is vulnerable, as you say. And he has gone through a seduction of the Dark side. If another one, I sense he will not be able to keep his word to the Order."

This was where Obi-Wan had spoken up quietly. "But I will—I'll stay faithful to the Jedi no matter what..."

"Sense that, we cannot. Safer it is... this way, our young friend."

Adi Gallia, whom, as well as most of the other Council members, had stayed quiet for some time. She had spoken up, turning the attention to herself. "There are other ways to allow the boy to evade the Dark side."

"Yes, but that, the Force is unclear of. The only discretion, this is," Yoda answered after a moment.

"If the Force wishes it, then so be it," Mace had concluded, raising a hand to silence the whispers between the Council members.

Adi Gallia, as if on cue, stood and kneeled before Obi-Wan, looking at him in the eye. "If the Force believes it is right, then we shall answer it's call." Her fingers traced the boy's padawan braid and she nodded sternly.

Taking a glance at Mace Windu and back, she took out a small old-fashioned knife.

Obi-Wan gasped, backing up into his master clumsily. He stared up at the older man, pleading. _It's not true,_ he told himself. _The Force... the Force doesn't mean it._ His eyes darted around to all the Council members, whom nodded in approval. But not Obi-Wan's approval. Qui-Gon stared down at the boy, taking a step back because Obi-Wan was leaning on him.

Taking the hint, Obi-Wan stood up straight and bit his lip, his hands at his sides strongly. He would not be afraid of what was to come.

Adi put a hand on the boy's shoulder and then let the knife trace his braid.

__

Stupid dreams. Obi-Wan closed his eyes.

Yoda shook his head sadly.

Mace watched with his hands folded under his chin.

The rest of the Council held their breath.

But, suddenly, Qui-Gon jerked the boy back. "This isn't right. The Force... it cannot wish this boy to no longer be a Jedi!" Obi-Wan trembled for a moment at his master's touch, but then quickly controlled himself and turned to look up at his master, whose hands were on the boy's shoulders.

The Council was silent.

But Yoda spoke quietly, nodding and tapping his cane on the floor, "Hmm. Faithful you are to your master, padawan?"

"Yes, Master Jedi," Obi-Wan answered quietly but instantly.

"And, Master Jinn, faithful, you are to your padawan. Feel your love for the padawan through your mental shields, we can. Never have cut the boy's hair, we would. Tricked, you did." There was a hoarse chuckle heard throughout the room.

Obi-Wan felt the blood rush from his face, leaving him pale. He was just embarrassed in front of the whole council.

"Glad we tricked you, should be you. If not, young Kenobi trapped on Tatooine, he would be. Maybe even turned. Haven't lied about that. Believe you can make him better—see the light you can, Master Jinn."

- - -

Obi-Wan sat at his desk in his room, his legs swinging idly. He was thinking as he stared out the window at Coruscant. It was raining, still. But he couldn't help to _smile._ He wondered...

__

Carve your name into my arm

Instead of stress, I lie here charmed

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you.

Sucker love—a box I choose

No other box, I choose to use

Another love I would abuse

No circumstances could excuse

In the shape of things to come

Too much poison comes undone

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you

Every me...

Sucker love whose known to swing

Prone to cling and waste these things

Pucker up for heaven's sake

There's never been so much at stake

I serve my head up on a plate

It's only comfort calling late

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you

Every me...

Like the naked leads the blind

I know I'm selfish I'm unkind

Sucker love I always find

Someone to bruise and leave behind

All alone in space and time

There's nothing here

But what here's mine

Something borrowed, something blue

Every me and every you...

Obi-Wan stopped smiling. He felt good. He bit his lower lip and tapped his feet against the floor to an imaginary beat. He was to be a padawan—and not just any padawan—but Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. He smiled brightly again and touched his braid.

And he was to stay on Coruscant!

Wait until Midii and Jiro hear...

A beeping sound interrupted his thoughts. He stood up and took his comm unit that was on his bed and answered it.

"Hello?" he answered.

A picture of Midii emerged on the screen.

"Kenobi!" she gasped. "You're here! I thought—Tatooine—I called yesterday and you weren't here... Obi, you're here! I'll be right over!"

Before Obi-Wan could even say a word, the comm connection was broken. Blinking, he turned the power off and walked into the kitchen. He did eat that morning, even though he was alone. Qui-Gon, at the moment, was out talking with the council about Obi-Wan's training and self-dignity. Obi-Wan was just glad he was allowed to remain a _Jedi_!

Making two cups of stim-tea, Obi-Wan sat down at the table, waiting for Midii to arrive. He sipped his tea for a moment and half-smiled to himself.

Suddenly, he heard the door swing open and he turned around and in a split-second he was embraced with a hug.

"Obi-Wan!" Midii laughed as she clung onto him. He didn't even have time to get up from his chair. She was always as quick as lightning. She was also out of breath from running. "Damn you! I thought I'd never see you again!"

She pulled on his braid and brought a chair to sit right in front of him. He smiled at her warmly and sipped his tea as if nothing interesting was happening.

"Force, look at you. What happened?"

Yes, he did know he still had a few bruises on him.

"Tatooine is not a nice vacation spot," he chuckled dryly.

She wrinkled her nose and laughed. "I'm sorry, Obi. Ah, Force, I'm just glad you're all right. Tell me—what happened? Huh?"

Obi-Wan told her everything quite calmly, but a soft smile never left his face. When he finished, Midii was speechless. She only sipped her tea as she watched him.

"You've gone through a lot for a fifteen year old, Kenobi."

"Call me Obi," he said quietly with a crooked grin.

She shook her head and smiled, looking towards the table as she set her cup down.

"I didn't mean to call you a liar. I didn't mean a lot of things I said..."

"It's all right."

"Good."

"I better go. I ditched meditation to see you, Ken—Obi." She smiled.

Obi-Wan paused and stood up, and so did Midii.

"Don't go..."

Midii froze for a moment and stared at Obi-Wan. Then she turned and began walking towards the door. "I have to."

Obi-Wan grinned for a moment and put his leg out in front of her, stopping her. She looked at him, scowling. But he had just opened the door with the keypad and she began to walk out before he grabbed her by her shoulder and whirled her around to face him.

"All right, well, bye," he said, half-grinning.

She raised an eyebrow at him and began to walk out backwards, still keeping her eyes on him when he suddenly leaned forward, hanging onto the side of the doorway with his two hands and kissed her lightly on the lips. Her gray eyes widened and for a moment as the two just froze. That was until Obi-Wan pulled away and looked to the ceiling. She blinked and stuttered for a moment before laughing.

"You... You're very suave, Kenobi."

"Why, thank you," he said as she turned around and walked away, laughing to herself.

He leaned against the doorway, staring at the ceiling and he let out a long sigh, smiling.

__

A friend in need's a friend indeed

A friend who'll tease is better

Our thoughts compressed

Which makes us blessed

And makes for stormy weather

A friend in need's a friend indeed

A friend who bleeds is better

My friend confessed she passed the test

And we will never sever

A familiar voice snapped him out of his happy trance. "Well, you don't even bother to introduce me to the girl, padawan?" Obi-Wan looked upwards to see Qui-Gon staring down at him.

"... Oh... hello, Master."

The boy smiled sheepishly and stood up, making his way to the kitchen, slightly embarrassed.

"We've been assigned a mission, padawan," Qui-Gon said following his apprentice into the kitchen.

"Where?" Obi-Wan asked as he sipped the last of his tea and sat down.

Qui-Gon stood in front of his padawan with his arms folded across his chest. "That's the question. We don't know _where_. We're looking for Mikal Rela. He's a dangerous man—a dangerous man to be walking around freely. His records are murderous."

Obi-Wan nodded sternly, his face faltering for a moment and then becoming unemotional. "Should I look up his records—to find out where he is? Tatooine was where he was last located."

"That'd be helpful, Obi-Wan."

"I'll look it up in the library."

- - -

A/N: You didn't think I'd have such a happy ending, did you!? :P Of course NOT! And, thus, the search for the evil Mikal Rela begins... bwaha. This chapter was exceptionally short. Forgive meh. The next one shall be long, and, maybe (gasp), the last one...? *Cries.*


	7. The Melancholy

A/N: The last chapter... Sorry for the lag, as well. :|

- - -

"Succumb Intoxication"

x . c h a p t e r s e v e n

; the melancholy

- - -

He was at the heel of his master once more. It was quite a peculiar planet they were at. Nar Shaddaa—a smuggler's joint—was the location of Mikal Rela, Obi-Wan's degraded master. At first, Obi-Wan was confident that he and Qui-Gon would successfully take Rela into custody, but, with every step the boy took, his doubt increased.

And what would happen if something drastic took place that would cause him and Qui-Gon to...

Blocking the thought of his mind, Obi-Wan quickened his pace so he walked right beside Qui-Gon. He looked up to his master hopefully.

"Master," Obi-Wan said quietly, "all we have to do is take Master Rela—um, Mikal Rela, into custody, right? Bring him back to the Jedi Temple and interrogate him?"

"If the Force wills it, padawan. The Force, I sense... it's behaving strangely. I can't—quite put my finger on it. The future of this is clouded. So we will just have to stand by, padawan."

Obi-Wan nodded. His thoughts came swirling back, no matter how much he tried to block them out.

The two Jedi were not exactly _camouflaged_ with their settings, but they still went unnoticed. Obi-Wan knew what kind of people and aliens lurked on Nar Shaddaa. They were pirates, smugglers or any kind of villain or rogue—and Mikal Rela was one of them. Obi-Wan shivered somewhat. He was taught, _loved_, by such a terrible man. And he... he... he looked towards Rela as his master—his father.

The padawan turned to look up at Qui-Gon Jinn.

__

But that's the past. Focus on here. Focus on now. Focus on Qui-Gon and focus on putting Master Rela into custody... That's all. That's all.

Qui-Gon looked down at the boy, but the padawan quickly turned his head to the floor.

Pushing open a door to a pub or club of some sort, Qui-Gon let his thoughts wander for a short second. _This boy is so insecure._ But, then, he quickly minded himself of the present and sat down into a seat at the bar. Obi-Wan sat beside his master and his eyes couldn't help but wander over the people shyly.

Obi-Wan was about to ask a question through their training bond, but found Qui-Gon's shields were up. The boy turned to his master and said quietly, "What if he's... not here?"

"He is. We are not here to catch the fly—it will come to us."

__

A fly... He was never a fly _before, Master,_ Obi-Wan thought dryly.

Seconds passed. Those seconds turned into minutes. Those minutes eventually turned into an hour.

"You're quite sure he's _here_?" Obi-Wan asked quietly under the pumping music.

"Positive. And he's right over... _there,_" Qui-Gon stated as he stood up, igniting his light saber in a split second.

Obi-Wan turned as well, igniting his blue light saber. His gaze immediately locked onto a pair of dark eyes.

Mikal Rela was holding a blaster to a man's neck, and, in the other hand that was extended out into the air, held a remote.

With the sound of the light sabers igniting, the entire club went silent.

"... If you come at me, I'll blow this whole place to the Dark side."

"Don't come at him! Please!" the man in Rela's grip wailed as he stood completely still.

"I knew you were following me, Jedi," Rela snarled, pressing the blaster into the man's neck even harder. Rela's grin stretched from ear to ear as he narrowed his eyes—looking straight at the boy beside Qui-Gon. "I knew you were going to come after me, my Obi-Wan. But do you think that you can catch me before I blow you—and everyone here into oblivion? I don't think so."

Obi-Wan clenched his teeth hard, biting back the urge to step back. But Qui-Gon stepped in front of him.

"The boy has nothing to do with this. Surrender—or we'll have to take you by force."

"Oh, but the boy _does_ have something to do with this. He will be the cause of the explosion in nothing but a few moments. Yes, I've foreseen it."

"Put the blaster down."

Mikal Rela froze for a moment, before he pulled the trigger on the blaster. It was not set on _stun_. The hostage in his grasp crumbled to the floor, dead.

"I don't think so."

As Mikal Rela had said that, Obi-Wan yelled, "Master! Please!" And the boy grabbed onto Qui-Gon's sleeve and began running out of the club. Qui-Gon knew as well just was about to happen.

When the two Jedi tumbled out, as well as a few others who had taken the hint of danger and ran out, a huge force of an explosion made Qui-Gon jump on his apprentice, covering the boy up with his body from the wreckage that was going to fly.

There were screams—then cut short.

Muffled by his master's cloak, Obi-Wan cried, "This isn't right! It wasn't supposed to happen this way! He's—not supposed to _die_! No one was."

Qui-Gon stood up a few moments later after the debris stopped flying. He looked up at the scorched building, that was still on fire, and was, possibly, still active.

"This mission was doomed from the start, Padawan. Mace had sensed it—I had sensed it, as well. But I didn't know _this_ would happen."

Obi-Wan stood up shakily.

"There were so many—people in there. I—what... All dead? Murdered?"

"Possibly. I'll inform the Jedi Council of what just happened."

Obi-Wan nodded solemnly, taking a few steps forward. His voice was a whisper. "Should I go—in? And see—if—he's alive?" His voice cracked slightly, but not enough for Qui-Gon to notice and Obi-Wan was thankful for that.

"If Rela is? I suppose. But, Padawan, if he is—tell me. Do not try any heroics."

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said quietly as he clutched the hilt of his unlit light saber and walked as slowly as he could, which was pretty quickly and unsteady. His mind was cluttered. He didn't know what to think.

Had _he_ just murdered Rela? Was _he_ responsible? He wasn't able to save him, save all the people...

As he ran deeper into the rubble, he moaned, feeling his knees getting weak. He stared right in front of him. Yes, that was _he_.

He recognized the man's eyes.

Obi-Wan felt his knees buckle out as he stumbled towards the bloody heap of skin, clothing and bones. His eyes trailed up and down the man's body—still alive! But his whole right arm's skin was singed off and he could see the bare bone.

"Master Rela... I'm sorry," he cried softly as he stared down at the face of his master—the face that _was_ his master. "I'm sorry—I didn't mean to. I didn't—I'm sorry. Please, be all right." He sobbed for a moment before he clenched his hands, trying not to cry when he spoke, "I just saw you a few days ago—alive, well... We can go back to how we were—if you just—don't... no..."

"Silence, Obi-Wan," the voice croaked as Rela turned his scorched head the slightest. "You were my son, and you always were. But I was forced to try and kill you. I did not. I've failed."

"Master Rela, you can still come back—with me! I..."

Obi-Wan choked on his last word, realizing that the man lying before him was dead. Finally, the recognition of reality struck him. He tore his gaze away from Rela and stared around. The explosion had most people scorched to the bone—or just blown away completely.

Looking at his Rela's singed arm solemnly, he closed his eyes.

He sat there, beside the scorched body of the master whom had deserted him years before. He didn't know for how long he sat there.

- - -

"It seemed like a suicide attempt, Master Yoda," Qui-Gon explained as he stood before the council in the middle of the circular room. His padawan stood beside him, grave, but dignified—and _silent_.

Qui-Gon knew that seeing so many people murdered and having to see them was more than a person could take. But Obi-Wan was old enough—wasn't he? Yes, Qui-Gon convinced himself. And, so, earlier that day, they had to take the dead body of Mikal Rela to Coruscant. And Obi-Wan had watched dejectedly. Qui-Gon knew that his padawan had to get over his emotions and get on with the job, and was glad that his apprentice _did_ so.

Yoda nodded, wiggling his fingers as he sat in the chair, Mace Windu beside him.

"Attempt of suicide, most likely. Regretful, we are for not noticing the disturbance within the man earlier—before his turn. Understand, also, we do, that Rela was master to young Kenobi?"

Obi-Wan had nodded sternly, keeping his gaze fixated on the floor. "Yes, Master."

"Glad that you are not corrupt, our padawan Kenobi. Master Jinn..." Yoda turned to Qui-Gon and nodded. "Wise, you are for keeping this boy as your apprentice. Much help you will be."

"Padawan Kenobi," Mace said loudly, allowing Obi-Wan's gaze to shift to Mace Windu. "You are dismissed as of the moment, we must speak with your master."

"Yes, Master."

He bowed deeply to the council and made his way out. As the doors shut behind him, he could hear the murmurs of speech, but he kept on walking. He made his way out onto the balcony and leaned against the wall, staring up into the orange sky of Coruscant—dusk.

He still had the memory implanted in his mind—perfect. He remembered staring down at the bloody corpse of his master.

__

Why did he have to do it?

Obi-Wan looked towards the floor, tapping his feet. No, he wouldn't let this get to him. He had far too much to worry about at the moment, anyway. He was padawan to Qui-Gon Jinn. He didn't have the _time_ to worry of trivial things like this.

What's done is done.

And he didn't want to dwell on the death of his master—the master whom abandoned him.

__

It was just a trick, he convinced himself. _He didn't mean it when he said… No. He didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I can't love. The end._

Letting the memory, the dwelling thoughts, fade away from his mind completely, he began to feel somewhat calm—at peace. He felt himself lean against the wall in an even more comfortable position and he just stared forward.

__

Nice sunset. Qui-Gon would have liked it, I think.

Obi-Wan smiled faintly and folded his arms over his chest. Feeling warm, he brought his arms around himself completely, holding himself tightly. He was where he belonged. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath of the pure Coruscant air and then let out a content sigh.

He let his eyes flutter open again and he just stared at all the ships as they fly by.

- - -

"Obi-Wan," muttered a voice in the padawan's ear. The boy furrowed his brows, but opened them reluctantly to see Qui-Gon hovering over him. He noticed he was sitting on the floor, still out on the balcony, with his knees tucked in under his chin and his arms wrapped around himself. Slightly embarrassed, he began to stand up.

"Hello, Master. I must have—dozed off..."

Obi-Wan leaned against the wall, looking up at his very tall master. Qui-Gon noticed there was something different in the boy's eyes. Determination, a huge feeling of determination—but, yet, the boy was seemed melancholy.

Qui-Gon gave the boy a soft smile. Obi-Wan's eyes quickly gazed to the floor.

"You must be cold, Obi-Wan. Let's go back to our quarters and you can rest there. It's far much more better than out here."

Obi-Wan nodded, feeling his master's hand grip his shoulder and gently shove him towards the door that led into the temple.

As the two walked down the hall, Obi-Wan with his arms folded in front of his chest, but he was still holding onto himself inside his cloak, looked towards the floor the whole time.

But it was Obi-Wan's voice that broke the silence, "Master?" He looked up, due to respect. It was not polite to stare at the floor while speaking. He did not want to disappoint his master at _all_.

"Yes, Padawan?"

"Thank you."

Qui-Gon smiled, placing a hand on the boy's head. "For what, Obi-Wan?"

"For keeping me." He looked downwards again.

Qui-Gon paused for a moment, but kept his walk at a calm pace. "For keeping you? I'm sorry I've been treating you like a mere object. You are a person, Obi-Wan. It was not right of me to do that. Or to have... hit you, Padawan."

"That's all right, Master. I very well deserved it."

Qui-Gon stopped walking and looked down at the boy with soft eyes. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon locked eyes and stared at each for a long moment. The boy seemed jaded and indifferent. Qui-Gon was the one, this time, to stare at the boy sadly.

"You did not. You _did not_."

"Thank you, Master. I _will_ be a great padawan." Obi-Wan bowed gently.

"Yes, you will be."

  
Qui-Gon began to stand and Obi-Wan began to walk.

"Thank you, Master."

"You're welcome, Obi-Wan. You are very welcome."

- - -

A/N: I know what you're thinking. D _Something's wrong here! Obi-Wan? Jaded and indifferent? This isn't done!_ But, by George, it is. I'm working on sort of a ... side story to this. But the plot is done. Mikal Rela is dead. But Obi-Wan is now melancholy, hoping to please his master in every way. While Qui-Gon here is the work-o-holic. I sense a disturbance in the Force... coming in the next story... Look out for it on ff.net! —Andrea (ieiahasradhair@aol.com [yes, that is an _i_ in leia: _i_eia.])


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